I remember lying on a hospital bed at 3 years old covered in bruises from head to toe due to a blood disease and wondering what it was all about. “Why am I here? What is this journey called life?” I always felt like there was something fundamentally wrong with me, wondering what my purpose was and deeply doubting my self-worth.
I quickly set out to make myself ‘special’ and better than others to cover up my self-hatred. I excelled at school, learned several languages fluently, got a Phd in psychology and travelled the world. The ego thought system of separation was in full force and kept me convinced that I’d eventually be worthy and lovable if I continued striving for self-worth through worldly pursuits and achievements. In my twenties however, I experienced a series of revelatory experiences that showed me a truth and a value beyond the world my senses perceived and a love I didn’t need to earn through effort and struggle.
On two of these occasions, time stood still and I broke down in deep full body sobs as I felt the distinct presence of Jesus embrace me with an overwhelming Love and repeat gently yet firmly: “You have never not been loved, you have only chosen to turn away from love.” I wasn’t comfortable with words like Jesus and Holy Spirit but the presence was undeniable and after deeply feeling this total embrace and the peace that came with it nothing interested me but sharing it.
After several months, these feelings receded into the background, I finished my studies and started working full time. It took me another 7 years to discover A Course in Miracles, and another 12 years before I actually read it and did the lessons. It gave me the framework and language to really appreciate what I’d experienced in my twenties, and a way out of ego’s web through forgiveness. A few years later the TTC journey began and it’s been one revelatory “God bomb” after another reigniting and further anchoring my awareness of this Love that has never abandoned anyone.
With the TTC family I am learning to let go of all judgement and open up to receive Love. I continue learning to forgive my projections and deeply experience complete and incorruptible innocence. It’s a work in progress that isn’t always easy, but as I do this, substitutes for Love fall away. I don’t strive as much, I am more present with people, rigid needs and routines loosen and everything feels so much easier. It is my deepest heartfelt desire to humbly serve others on their journey back home to Love.
If you’re ready to remember the Love that will never abandon you and transform your life, join us now!
I am hosting groups in English and French and offer individual guidance in English, French, Chinese and Italian.
With much love… Allen